Dispatch: Hangzhou

This morning our local tour guide Mr. Fish took us to Lingyin Buddhist temple, situated on Feilaifeng, a craggy mountain near Hangzhou. Legend has it that the mountain, the peak that flew from afar, was originally located in India, the birthplace of Buddhism, and relocated during the night in a display of Buddha’s omnipotence.  Anyway, more than 300 religious carvings on the side of the mountain depict Buddhist icons, the centerpiece of which is a famous and awe inspiring 1,000 year old laughing Buddha. Surrounded by a perimeter wall the Temple consists of 3 pavilions, a gift shop and is infused with the scent of constantly burning incense.  A massive, gold plated Buddha looks down in benevolence from each of the pavilions. They depict various phases of Buddha’s life and as such each is thematically unique. One of his protectors was a woman who only discovered forgiveness and enlightenment after devouring 1,000 children. Yes, we are talking cannibalism and it is almost enough to make one long for the gentility of pedophile priests.

Once we finally located Stephanie we traveled a short distance to a green tea village where we were educated on the health benefits of green tea. Our guide, Ms. Mai, revealed the wonder of the delicate tea leaves as if in an infomercial. At one point she even poured green tea into a glass full of raw rice that was soaked in iodine. Within 2-minutes the water was clear, leaving the stained rice at the bottom of the glass. 15-minutes later and the rice was white again. It was just like that commercial on late night cable TV where the bearded guy with the loud voice screams the benefits of…well I’m not sure what he is selling, but you get the point.  Ms. Mai was much gentler and prettier than the bearded guy with the loud voice, but she equally effective with the hard sell, because we bought armloads of the stuff and swore that we would change our ways and drink green tea after every meal.  On the way out Kelby bought 4-beautiful, hand painted fish renderings, inspired no doubt by our local guide Mr. Fish. If you want to see them just ask him and he will pull them out from under the couch in his living room and show them to you.

Westlake, on the western edge of Hangzhou is a huge tourist attraction, drawing millions of Chinese to its lotus, peach and willow tree lined shores every year. Kelby and I were possibly the only white guys in the teeming masses, and in one Hollywood moment a young father asked Kelby to pose for a picture with his three small children. How he was able to have 3-kids without being castrated is beyond me, but Kelby was happy to oblige and the young family walked away happy and excited. So, if you are ever feeling down and out just have your picture taken with Kelby and your troubles will be lifted. Maybe in 1,000 years tourists will travel to Westlake to gaze upon an iconic statue of the white man who brought joy to little children. We walked, we took a boat ride, and we took pictures and exhausted ourselves in the wonder of Westlake, a monument to tradition, natural wonderment and landscaping. No wonder Marco Polo called Hangzhou the most enchanting city in the entire world.

Dispatch: Hangzhou, CN

Ok, so far everything has gone very smoothly. Everybody showed up healthy, happy and excited to be embarking upon our Olympic adventure. The flights were smooth, the planes were half full and each seat was equipped with a multi-media entertainment console. They fed us two meals and a bowl of noodles prior to landing.  The meals were so bad that the flight attendants belittled the food as they served it to us, describing the choices as leather or feather. Even the chocolate pudding had a chemical tinge and odd consistency to it. That having been said it was really quite delicious.

We arrived in Shanghai and breezed through immigration and customs. Once we were sure that we hadn’t lost Stephanie we found our tour guide Johnson. He is a very pleasant young man of 24 who speaks very broken English and sorely requires an orthodontist. We found our van, driven by Mr. Zhang who is a Shanghai man. Shanghai men are dedicated to their family. They earn the money and then give it all to their wife. They clean the house and cook the food. I want one.

It is hot and muggy outside, but at an endurable level. Fortunately, we packed appropriately. The air quality in Shanghai, indeed on the trip to Hangzhou, is surprisingly good. Visibility is unlimited and majestic cumulus clouds dominate the clear blue sky.

It took us about 3-hours to arrive at our first destination, Hangzhou. Hangzhou is a small town of only 5,000,000 people.  It is very cosmopolitan with young lovers dressed in the latest knock-off fashions, holding hands as they stroll down wide, well maintained boulevards. Watching their smiling, carefree faces you would never imagine that they are the very same people, who once they get behind the wheel of the proliferating population of torpedo-cars take on many of the characteristics of kamikaze pilots. Interestingly, I haven’t seen any women drivers yet. Perhaps they haven’t developed the requisite death wish necessary to drive in China.

Upon arriving in Hangzhou we were taken to a very popular restaurant. Kelby and I shared a beer as everyone else used the pot of tea to wash their utensils. And here I was always under the impression that tea was for drinking. The first dish was gray tofu in gray gravy, followed by 8 or 10 other dishes, some of which were identifiable and some which were not. Dinner turned out to be quite nutritious and surprisingly good.
Our hotel is a Day’s Hotel, which is really a Day’s Inn, but in China. We have small, but clean rooms in close proximity to each other. Last night after we got settled in we went to the lobby bar to watch the Olympics on the big screen TV. The cocktail waitress kicked us out so we took a stroll instead. By 8 pm, Violet and I were in our room, overtaken by exhaustion, anticipation and adventure. It is now 2 am. She is reading and just told me that I am being longwinded in my message. Some things just never change.