As soon as I opened my eyes this morning it hit me like an out of control 18-wheeler. Polly was kidnapped exactly 17 years ago. That I live with this knowledge daily does not make the arrival of this anniversary any easier. For the first decade after her death I began a regimen of Xanax, a drug used to treat anxiety disorders, panic disorders, and anxiety caused by depression, on October 1 and maintained my drug therapy through her birthday on January 3. I don’t do that anymore though, because I have hardened myself to grim reality. However, this is the first year that I have been without Violet.
This morning Natalie asked for a moment of silence for Polly and the other missing children that are represented in the 2010 Fireball Run. I was touched by her sensitivity and the immediate response from so many of my new friends. Many hugged me; others spoke softly of their regret. All in all, it was a touching moment that I will long remember and a good way to begin another day of the high speed lunacy that my life has recently become. I don’t know if life is a board game, but this week at least the USA is our game board.
The Fireball Run one is all about living in the moment. The real world, with all of its issues and problems, exists in a 120 mph blur that receives no consideration. The only purpose is to solve the next challenge, achieve the next bonus and arrive at the finish line with more points than the competition. It is a microcosm that promotes teamwork. The driver depends upon his/her teammate to solve puzzles and navigate to the next challenge, and the navigator depends upon his/her partner to get there ahead of the clock. Fortunately, both of my teammates were great guys who were up to the task.
The Cedar Rapid reception, which was held in the art museum, happened after we checked into the Crown Plaza. The good news is that it gave us a chance to clean up. The bad news is that the extra time forced me to reflect. When Natalie asked me to speak at the well attended party I could only speak from my heart. ““As many of you know, this is a very difficult day for me. It was 17 years ago that my daughter Polly was kidnapped and murdered she would be Natalie’s age now. I used to resort to prescription drugs as this anniversary approached. For a decade Xanax was my best friend until after Polly’s birthday on January 3.”
“But I don’t do that anymore. My life has improved immensely. I have been fortunate to be surrounded by a great support system and an even greater wife. Together we have learned to love life again, because that is what Polly would want. We have worked to make America safer for children in her name. However, this is the first time I have been by myself on this horrible day. I thought that I would feel lonely and pitiful. Instead, because I am surrounded by the love of new friends I feel empowered and protected. Your words have been heartfelt; your hugs have been comforting. Since I cannot be home tonight, I am glad that I am with all of you. Thank you for your time.”
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